Intertwining lives is both beautiful and complicated, period.
The fusion of two (or more) personalities, likes and dislikes, desires and fears- is something huge, scary, gorgeous and wonderful. It takes patience, good humor and loads and loads of one of the most elusive things in modern society: trust.
Then you add in: Finances. Traumas. Politics. Intimacy. Children. The ever present noise of the outside opinions of friends and family. Day to day chores and responsibilities. Yes, bringing together couples ( throuples, etc) is a gorgeous, maddening circus.
So why do so many feel that to seek out couples therapy means that something is wrong with them? Why do people still think gossiping about the neighbors down the street who are “going to counseling” is a hot item?
The 1940’s and 1950’s inserted a societal standard that each household had to independently have it together, and the only outside counsel was to be the local minister or priest, and in those days the church’s role was to keep the woman docile and subservient to the husband. It is no shocker what history has revealed – that although the divorce rate in the 50’s was in the 20% range, this was also a period of suppression and unhappiness within a large portion of marriages- and sexual fulfillment was rarely a consideration. We were still half a century away from society even beginning to recognizing same sex couples as a healthy, beautiful part of our population.
The decades that followed gave way to many revolutions involving gender, sexuality and many of the concepts of “roles” and committed relationships were finally brought to the forefront for us as a human tribe to reevaluate and breakdown many suffocating stigmas around.
So with all this understanding of the pressures and nuances of any kind of partnership- gay, straight, with one individual or a few, why do we think of therapy as a last resort addition to our daily lives?
Therapy does not always mean your relationship(s) is done or in danger. On the contrary.
Seeking counsel with an outside unbiased, trained therapist with a sound viewpoint can be the very thing that helps us develop communications, and vulnerability, that we never thought was possible. And the sooner you seek help – the more likely positive outcomes will happen for you! Many relationships wait until 5, 10, 15+ years of unhealthy communication patterns and built up resentments have layered up until they seek help…making it so much more difficult to work through. Again – not impossible, but these couples need to have a lot of patience as they unlearn and relearn valuable tools to save their relationship.
The idea of partners and families being in therapy as a telltale sign of complete dysfunction is a false script that we need to dissolve from our understanding of life, love and excellent mental health. Each one of us deserves a safe place to sort out the hectic demands of existing in this ever changing world- and find our way back to one another.
Are you ready to start feeling more fully alive in your relationships? We want to support you in that! Contact us to set up a complimentary intake consult to see if one of our therapists can support you in your relationship.
