Written by: Sadaf Shalchian
So you might have read about EMDR on our SAGE page and you might still wonder if it would be helpful for you or how it might benefit you personally …
Let me ask you this, do you resonate with any of the following negative self-beliefs?
RESPONSIBILITY/ I AM SOMETHING “WRONG”
I don’t deserve love.
I am a bad person.
I am terrible.
I am worthless (inadequate).
I am shameful.
I am not lovable.
I am not good enough.
I deserve only bad things.
I am permanently damaged.
I am ugly (my body is hateful).
I do not deserve . . .
I am stupid (not smart enough).
I am insignificant (unimportant).
I am a disappointment.
I deserve to die.
I deserve to be miserable.
I am different (don’t belong).
RESPONSIBILITY/ I DID SOMETHING “WRONG”
I should have done something.
I did something wrong.
I should have known better.
SAFETY/ VULNERABILITY
I cannot be trusted.
I cannot trust myself.
I cannot trust my judgment.
I cannot trust anyone.
I cannot protect myself.
I am in danger.
It’s not okay to feel (show) my emotions. I cannot stand up for myself.
I cannot let it out.
CONTROL/ CHOICE
I am not in control.
I am powerless (helpless).
I am weak.
I cannot get what I want.
I am a failure (will fail).
I cannot succeed.
I have to be perfect (please everyone).
I cannot stand it.
I am inadequate.
I cannot trust anyone
A part of human experience is going through some small or big events in life that might change the trajectory of your entire life. Any negative or positive interaction, relationship, event, struggle, accomplishment, gain, or loss has influenced the way we think, feel, and behave. Sometimes some events play a significant role in our character, in the way we relate to ourselves and others, or the way we show up in the world. One of the reasons we think, feel, and behave in the ways that we do today is based on the conclusions we made about those events we experienced in the past.
For instance:
If a child only gets praise when they perform perfectly or get perfect grades, they might make a conclusion that “I have to be perfect to be lovable”
If a woman gets criticized by her husband constantly, she might make a conclusion that “I am a failure and I am not good enough and I have to be perfect.”
These conclusions we make about ourselves influence our sense of self; how we feel about ourselves, the type of relationships we maintain, how much we hold ourselves back from our most potential, and steps we don’t take because of the disbelief in ourselves and the world around us.
As mentioned in previous SAGE blogs and videos, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of such negative cognitions attached to negative life experiences.
Take a look at the negative cognition list again, above
Now, think about how bad you would want to believe and live the list below:
I deserve love
I can have love
I am a good (loving) person.
I am fine as I am.
I am worthy; I am worthwhile.
I am honorable.
I am lovable.
I am deserving (fine/okay).
I deserve good things.
I am (can be) healthy.
I am fine (attractive/ lovable).
I can have (deserve) . . .
I am intelligent (able to learn).
I am significant (important).
I am okay just the way I am.
I deserve to live.
I deserve to be happy.
I am okay as I am.
I did the best I could.
I learned (can learn) from it.
I do the best I can (I can learn).
I can be trusted.
I can (learn to) trust myself.
I can trust my judgment.
I can choose whom to trust.
I can (learn to) take care of myself.
It’s over; I am safe now.
I can safely feel (show) my emotions.
I can make my needs known.
I can choose to let it out.
I am now in control.
I not have choices.
I am strong.
I can get what I want.
I can succeed.
I can be myself (make mistakes).
I can handle it.
I am capable.
I can choose whom to trust.
EMDR therapy can help individuals change the meaning of painful events on an emotional and cognitive level. For instance, a person who has gone through emotional and psychological abuse can shift from feeling insignificant and devalued to holding the firm belief that, “I am worthy, lovable, and strong and I deserve good things in life.” This change in belief and emotions can drastically change the way this woman will make her next steps and choices, in addition to healing from the hurt and trauma caused by the abuse.
If you want to feel empowered by the very experiences that once debased you, contact Sadaf Shalchian, AMFT for an EMDR consultation
References
Shapiro, F. (2001). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (2nd edition). New York: Guilford Press.
