Parents, am I right?
No matter who you talk to when it comes to parents everyone is dragging along something. From deep rooted trauma, to simply living in the shadow of absolutely outstanding parents- we are all finding our way when it comes to finding harmony with those who raised us.
Unpacking the feelings, hurts and confusion around the way we were each raised can be tricky. For most: the very people they usually would go to to discuss these issues with, are the cause of this inner turmoil. The average adult still leans on their parents for guidance or simply to vent-and get some authoritative advice or reassurance.
When we go to our romantic partners it can feel like the things we vocalize can often be weaponized against us at a later time. How often has each of us heard “You are just like your Mother” or “You sound like your Father” ?
For others who come from abusive upbringings there is a heavy weight in even approaching the thought of healing from our childhoods. Physical and sexual abuse often requires massive amounts of suppression, and unhealthy mental tactics just to make it through the next day.
If someone manages to make it out of their teens the inner entanglement of fear, family, love and hate is so complicated and delicate many choose to never even think about opening what feels like Pandora’s box.
Then a pattern is created: a wounded parent will either pass along the same traumas, or go the opposite direction to the extreme. Someone raised by an overbearing Mother or Father can often try to be involved as little as possible, citing how much they could not stand him or her always leering over their shoulder.
Someone who was abused or grew up within a home with active addiction- can become the smothering parent, so desperate to give to their own children the very thing they never experienced, and on a quest to make sure their own kin never makes the massive mistakes their own Father or Mother did… Making those vices all the more appealing by proxy.
For those who decide that parenthood is not for them the facts that their peace and understanding of their upbringing is not challenged by offspring can leave many feelings unexplored. Talking about how we were raised isn’t about the blame game. It is about coming to know ourselves fully. See how and why we react to life the way we do- and if something isn’t plentiful in our lives today, change it.
Examining our relationship with our parents can bring about many layers of forgiveness and release. We can find that we often unjustly had our own Mothers and Fathers on pedestals, in which they were bound to fall from. We can see the human in each of our family members, rather than the roles they are assigned in our existence.
Everyone has things from their past. Finding a therapist isn’t about solving all the pains of the past, for our pains our part of who we are. It’s about unpacking it all with someone who has an open heart and a trained mind, so you can find a place for each of these memories within the home in your heart.